Love is the choice to be happy

Last night a few thought fragments whispered in my mind: "unconditional love is the key ... perfectionism is not love, perfectionism is ahimsa (violence, injury), perfectionism is not satya (truth)".

Every day it feels more like the source of hurt or irritation or frustration or sadness is lack of forgiveness and conditional love. Does it matter if I made the mistakes or someone else did? Isn't what is "intolerable" in others merely a mirror of what we find intolerable in our own thoughts or behavior, or what we are afraid of?
Forgetting this takes me in and out of love with myself, over and over.

I dreamed Amma gave me a hug a few nights back. The media calls Amma "the hugging saint" because that is a large part of her humanitarian work - to be everyone's ideal mother by hugging, loving and accepting others unconditionally. Don't we all crave this "unmotivated tenderness of the heart" (as Swami Muktananda said) on a primal level? The good news is we can give ourselves that love, that hug, any time. The same light that breathes life into the body of a saint is the same light inside every being. That is who we really are. We are not "lazy", or "pathetic" or "stupid". Unconditional love recognizes that. This is truth.

Today is a good day to choose to live by the truth. Choosing negative thoughts and emotions results in violence and delusion. Choosing a friendly attitude towards happiness breeds compassion for the mistakes we all make in forgetting who we really are. Today is a good day to be happy.

Resisting living

Have you ever found yourself turning down an opportunity that you have been preparing for a long time because you were not "ready"? Or suppressed a desire for change out of fear? How can you commit to a different path if you don't even know where the path begins?

Aaah, perfectionism. For me, perfectionism is another name for judgment. The real question is - how can I get anything done when I can't stop judging myself? What if despite my best efforts I am still not (gasp) perfect? Welcome to the human condition, the clearer side of my mind jests. If I believe mistakes are inevitable, where is all this intolerance coming from? What am I resisting?

Maybe the resistance is to accepting things as they are. For example, I could say (to myself) - "I don't want to be inexperienced in something new. I want to feel safe and confident in my decisions, and to be viewed with authority. I don't want to be wrong - or - I don't want to be embarrassed." Whatever happened to compassion (giving myself a break)? How can anyone learn anything without making mistakes? And what is worse - the pain of resisting the inevitable or pushing past the fear of potential ridicule?

Nityananda says: "If you are afraid of water, you cannot cross the river even by boat. If you are afraid of fire, you cannot even cook a meal. For anything to be done, first you must have courage." The thing is, courage is not the absence of fear. It's always scary because life isn't safe or predictable. But when one acts in the face of fear, and pushes a boundary, a shift happens. A self-defeating habit is challenged. Confidence is gained.