Practicing trust and opening to humility

Patanjali emphasizes in the Yoga Sutras the importance of consistent earnest practice. My teenage rebellious mind often responds by saying: "why do I have to make the bed if it's only going to get messed up again?" When that mind set is prevalent, I forget to be grateful for all that I have, and instead focus on everything I think I can to control, such as the exact date I will find a "permanent" apartment in my price range.

I once told a friend that just because I can't think of an answer, that doesn't mean there isn't one, or that there is even a problem. I know I said it because it's in writing but at times can't believe I wrote that, can't believe I felt that with every fiber of my being, because I forget. Forget to trust. That's when the stress comes.

Doesn't the sun rise every day, without my interference? Doesn't digestion take place without any guidance from me? There is so much that I don't know, perceive, explain or control, yet is there anyway. There is a larger perspective. Bhagavan Nityananda says that "while the ocean has plenty of water, it is the size of the container you bring to it that determines how much you collect." I take this to mean that if we can keep ourselves empty enough, open enough, humble enough, we will have space to grow, learn. I obviously have a long way to go, as the obstacles keep coming. Nityananda says: "when a person overcomes one obstacle, another presents itself. This process continues until one's experience is complete and the mind is able to face any situation with the right perspective."

In the meantime, I find strength in the increased self-confidence gained by curbing a debilitating habitual response to a situation. Confidence in the Self that makes the sun rise and our tears fall. The well of infinite possibilities. Our True Self.